MEAN: SALLY JO COMES TO TOWN
by Sam Younghans
I was a layin’ in bed this mornin’, a thinkin’ about that time when Fallopi ‘n Sally Jo got together, and it came to me, that I had better write it down afore I forgets it. I told you I would tell you one day, well here it is, as best I can remember it.
As I recollect, fall was a settin’ in ‘n the town of Tube was once again lookin’ for a school teacher. A lot of teachers passed through this town. None stayed too long. By this time Fallopi had finished school ‘n was workin’ for his Pa. His Pa had a big ranch where he raised horses – I told you I would tell you that story someday. He also farmed ‘n sold his produce to the local market, so Fallopi brought the produce to town on the weekends.
As I said afore, Fallopi was a mean one ‘n people stayed outta his way. Fallopi had just made a delivery to the Smothers Market, down the street from Pawdunker’s Saloon. Sam Smothers had just taken the last crate ‘n Fallopi was a walkin’ out of the store when Sally Jo came a bustlin’ in. Fallopi was lookin’ back at Sam, who was sayin’ somethin’ about the next week’s delivery; Sally Jo was a lookin’ at her reflection in the door when they collided.
First off, let me tell you about Sally Jo. She was a mighty pretty lady that was mighty big ‘n muscular. She had been one of them female athletes in school. She was a comin’ from the city office, where she had just been hired as the new schoolmarm. She was a feelin’ mighty good ‘n full of energy. Oh, I almost forgot, she was a tough one ‘n almost as mean as Fallopi.
Anyway, when they banged into each other, there was a big boom that shook the whole dang town, includin’ the glasses in Pawdunker’s Saloon. Seems they was doin’ some blastin’ at the mine just outside of town ‘n two guys put dynamite in the same place at the same time. They didn’t know the other one had stuffed it as well. It was a mighty blast that started Fallopi ‘n Sally Jo off on an adventure of a lifetime.
Well, Fallopi never got bumped like that afore, ‘n it almost knocked him down on his bee-hind. He grabbed at the bumper; they both went a rollin’ on the floor. Well, afore he could see who was down with him he got a bang on the head from her purse. I told you she was a mean one. Sam saw the whole thing – in the beginnin’ he thought the big boom was them two collidin’.
They way Sam tells it, as they was a tumblin’ on the floor, she whacks him with her purse. That got Fallopi madder-n-a caged lion that just got a hot foot. He rolls over ‘n grabs her by the throat, all set to throw one of his jaw-breaker punches, when he realizes she’s a woman. He freezes, ‘n she whams him one right on the kisser. You thought that explosion was loud? You ain’t heard nothin’ til you hear Fallopi roar. Them glasses in Pawdunker’s was a rattlin’ off-n the shelf.
Sam, realizin’ that it was all an accident, came from behind the counter and tried to break it up, while shoutin’, “It’s an accident. It’s an accident.”
By this time, Fallopi is tryin’ to grab her arms. He missed one arm as it swung at him. She missed him but hit Sam; knocked him back up against the counter. By the time Sam came to his senses, Fallopi was a holdin’ on to her arms for dear life. Sam shouted again, ‘n Sally Jo calmed down. Sam said, “It was a sight to behold. There was Fallopi on the floor, a holdin’ on to Sally Jo’s arms with Sally Jo a sittin’ on his chest, lookin down on him.” He said, “it was a magical moment. They both sort ‘a relaxed and looked at each other.”
Fallopi relaxed his grip on Sally Jo and she got off of his chest, and offered her hand to help him get up. Now, nobody had ever offered him their hand afore. He looked confused; she smiled at him. That never happened afore either. Well sir, believe it or not, Fallopi took her hand ‘n she helped him to his feet. Now, they both looked confused and embarrassed. Both started speakin’ at the same time ‘n then stopped ‘n then started again. Fallopi shut up and motioned for her to talk first.
I’m not gonna tell you all that was said, because that would drag out this story more than it needs. You can always go to the Smother’s Market ‘n ask Sam. I am goin’ to tell you; it was love at first sight. Fallopi stayed in the market and helped Sally Jo do her shoppin’, ‘n then, carried her bags out a the store. The last thing Sam saw was the two of them a walkin’ down the sidewalk towards the school.
Well that’s all I’m goin’ ‘a tell you about their first meetin’. It only took two months of courtship afore they was married. The romancin’ and the weddin’ are great stories for another time. I gotta put in an order for some more shin guards, the boys are comin’ to town more often ‘n seems there are more people a comin’ into town and I’m a gettin’ more orders. See ya around
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Sam's book, CANCEL CHRISTMAS
Omega, the last ship to leave Earth
Painted, oil on canvas by Sam Younghans
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